Brandon University, and other universities around the world, are primarily places of higher learning. But in between classes, for different people, at different times, they are also places to do your business. What follows is a set of reviews that aims to uncover, even if only just a little, where to find the best place on campus to do your business.

Healthy Living Centre, Men’s Changing Room
This washroom has an advantage of being a change room, so it ends up being relatively spacious because it needs to house a couple hundred lockers, some showers and so on. Being built recently, it’s also a modern facility, and everything works well and looks nice. I really have no complaints with this room, except that the automatic flush sensor on the toilets really only works for people who wipe sitting down. Otherwise, expect a premature detonation when you get up.

Brodie Building, Fifth Floor
I was warned by fellow Quill staff about this relatively out-of-the-way set of washrooms being haunted. I was rightfully skeptical beforehand, but after visiting these single-occupancy facilities, I wasn’t so sure to doubt the existence of the occult. Dim fluorescent lighting mixed with the grey of the walls cast a sickly green glow reminiscent of Half-Life 2, when you’re entering City 17 and the Combine pull you over to the side room. The whole visit, I was also perturbed by some strange mechanical noises that could have come from the nearby elevator shaft, but then again… maybe not. There was also a loud “thunk” that emanated from the walls every minute or so, which was especially unnerving when sitting down on the toilet, which might have come from the plumbing, but also… maybe not? Both single-user washrooms are gender-neutral, as evidenced by the sign on one and taped-on piece of paper on another, offering everyone an equal opportunity to get spooked. One also has both a urinal and a toilet in the same facility…why?

Knowles-Douglas Centre, Basement, Men’s Room
On the other hand, this facility sees quite a bit of traffic. As such, it’s taken on some graffiti on the stall, with such witticisms as “WE BUY WE DON’T NEED” with “Unless you can autotroph, you need food.” under it, making this a washroom oozing with the culture of commoners. All in all, a decent washroom, with all equipment in order and reasonable standards of cleanliness, until you go to dry your hands, at which point you’re met with a solitary hand dryer that dries excruciatingly slowly, and no option to grab a paper towel, either.

McMaster Hall, Basement (near Charlie Biggs), Gender-Neutral
The first impression I had upon entering this single-occupant washroom is that it simply looks sterile. The walls are white, the fixtures are likewise white (or light gray), and the room is lit with fluorescent lighting that adds even more white. As unnervingly perfect as it looks, it is also equally functional. Everything works well, without a hitch. It even provides some little extras in the form of a baby changing station and a toilet with two different flush buttons, one for saving water, and one that’s more heavy duty. Speaking of extras, it also has two doors, one of which can’t be opened from the inside, but seemingly leads to nowhere (that mere mortals outside of the Physical Plant can access, at least), and that, while nowhere near the experience I had on the fifth floor of the Brodie Building, can also be a bit unnerving, from the thought of the door getting opened on you. Luckily, it hasn’t happened to me yet.

Campus