If you’re anything like me you will realize your social life revolves around work or (because you like to change things up) school work. The result? You’re spending another night alone.

But weep not for now is the time to raise above your usual snivelling self in order to achieve legendary status. Spending the night alone in style and as if you have more confidence than a sunflower seed.

What you are going to need to manage is a fully functioning liver, an unhealthy coping mechanism and a less than ideal understanding of cooking.

You want to show people that you are successful and the best way to do that is by showing off your culinary skills, and drinking excessively. Follow along with me and after every step, take a shot.

Step one: Purchase a turkey. (Shot)

Step two: Prepare the turkey with your favourite seasonings. Then stuff it. (2 shots) (whew I’m a light weight)

Step 3: Put turkey in oven (shot) (realy feling this)

Setp for: relax and have a few drinks (shot) (fuck this cannot end well)

Step five: trukey the forget, u r in de pen deep and dont knead no bird. (drink)

Sp 6; Waer is drunk? Turn off oven. (WHere)

step whatever: leaf trukey on florr. Find drink finihs. go to washromm. sLep by toilet.