It’s 5am and I’m staring aimlessly from your window in my silent cry for help, I’ve been hanging there for hours in the cold hands of the night. I lost my bus fare to the crust of the earth, I was kicked away by the narcissist wind and landed on your window. I watched you sleep so quietly, rolling and hanging on to the brink of your bed, one more roll and you’d hit rock bottom, the rhythm of your snore gave me strength in there all night. I swear I’m not a stalker, just praying the sun never comes out and smites all my household in a daytime genocide.
I couldn’t get you off my mind, so I begged God to send me on earth again, this time I came prematurely in anticipation to fall at your window again and watch you sleep. I thought I got the memo and pretended to have lost my bus fare so the wind would toss me to your window but this time around there was a free ride, it was New Year’s Eve. There was a long queue and I saw you were outside, I imagined falling on your eyelid so I could get a closer look at you, and you’d get to notice me. Or maybe your lips, so I could feel the love and probably have the best death like Romeo did, oh damn, I’m not a pervert. My ride came late so I fell to the crust right at your doorstep, hoping to grace your feet with my pure beauty, maybe you could make an angel out of me, but your housekeeper poured safe salt on me, I bet you, there was nothing safe about it. She sent me straight to hell and I couldn’t even see your face.
Scared but angrier, I faced the devil, but he told me he would set me free on the condition that I cause someone to hurt. I really didn’t know what to do, I was born as pure and faultless as a dove, but I’ve got to do what I’ve got to do, I’m just a white man in love. So, I came on earth and this time the devil got me stuck as ice in the middle of the road, I didn’t read the devil’s manual well, I was trapped. I caused cars to swerve, and brakes surely had nothing on me. I caused the children to swear at me and gave immigrants trauma, the old cursed me so bad that I got broken to pieces and died again.
This time I begged God with the psalms of David, a man after his heart. “The sun shall not smite thee by day, Nor the moon by night. The LORD shall preserve thee from all evil: He shall preserve thy soul. The LORD shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in.” God indeed never turns against his words, so He sent me back to earth and landed me right on your window. You weren’t home, it was just your best friend and her toxic boyfriend begging to have her back, I could tell in about half a minute how gullible she was or rather cold so she let him stay. Oh, humans, I couldn’t stand it, I committed suicide before the sun came out.
I came back the next morning, I guess obsession took over my desperation, I knew where to find you, I fell right on your window but saw you laying weak in bed. Sad but happy to see you, I whispered through the window and somehow physics worked, you took a snap of me and sent it to your friends. That felt like a great step of progress to me. Introduction cleared, I felt we were a thing now and it’s safe to call you my girl. I got so delusional and stood all day for the longest time. Your mom called and you mentioned my name but you blamed your flu on me so I cried myself away.
Finally, I almost fell on the soft palm of your hands preparing to introduce myself all over again, but you shielded me with a thick heartless mitten. All I wanted was to know what your touch and pulsating vein felt like on the surface of your skin, but this time the rejection killed me. I disappeared in April, saying its over and I’m not going to try again, but, like your best friend’s boyfriend, I’d be back in November hoping we can make things work for a little longer. I guess our cycle of love will continue. Till then, I will give God multiple reasons to send me down to earth, and boast to the angels how beautiful you are and how I found love on planet earth. While I wait, I will think about you every day in this long distance relationship.
Yours coldly,
Snowflakes