Dear Quintilius,

How did you come to replace our beloved Glow Cloud who answered our questions last year?

Sincerely, Missing Glowy

#NotMyAdviceColumnist

Dear Glowy,

It is evident you must have been living under a rock these past few centuries or you would be aware how blatantly ignorant your question is.

I am Quintilius, son of the Titan Saturn, half brother to the God Jupiter. I put the Q in SPQR because I didn’t like how SPR looked branded into my chest, I sucked upon the teat of Lupa before it was cool and it was I who first spread salt on the barbarous lands of Carthage. I have impregnated princesses across foreign lands and in the process had to slay hundreds of dragons. I even killed a few of those flying fire-breathing lizard things.

I am a time traveling legend amongst Deities, and you have the nerve to ask how I replaced your beloved Glow Cloud? Well my dear I’ll tell you… I simply handed in my resume, had my interview, and waited 4-6 weeks to get my call back informing me I got the gig. So, boom! How you like dem apples?

All Salute The Eternal City,

Quintilius of Rome