Dear Quintilius,

I have this super boring class like first thing every morning. I like hate getting up for 8:00, then having class and work till like 5:00 at night. So I guess my question is what should I do to be like less tired or like more comfortable?

Sincerely, Very Tired #TiredLike132%OfTheTime

Dear Amateur Hour,

Oh wow, you’re tired. Well, looks like you’ll just have to skip class or sleep in the back of the room so the Prof doesn’t notice you. Maybe come to class in your pajamas or come in with your magical coffee beans. I don’t know what else could possibly be the solution. -.-

You see that? You see what you made me do? Th at’s an unimpressed emoji face. Do you know how little I use emojis? Eyes squinted, brows furrowed as if I was trying to make my face as little as possible so you realize how foolish your question was. First of all, this question is basically slapping me in the face with how many times you use the word “like.” Th at one word makes up one-tenth of your question. Th ere are other ways to draw similarities between words than saying like this or like that.

Now to answer your question: Just stahp. I cannot even. I have served in a military that conquered lands from Britain to Egypt.

You know what was difficult? Annexing Armenia and conquering Mesopotamia with Emperor Trajan. You know what was heartbreaking? Watching Emperor Nero continually destroy my city. You know what was tiring? Fighting day and night defending the makeshift walls of Alesia while simultaneously sieging the city.

Suck it up.

All Salute The Eternal City,

Qunitilius of Rome #TiredOfYoShit