Dear Quintilius,

Why are you such a savage in your responses? Is it perhaps you acting out of some inferiority complex?

Sincerely,

Teutoberg Victor

#RomeWillNeverConquerGermania

Dear Doorknob,

Regarding your first query: I respond to uneducated questions with the specific design to destroy the will and faith of my questioners. However, sometimes violence or savageness needs to be more subtle in order to completely eradicate my enemies over decades and centuries. For example, paying tribes to fight each other and disuniting an entire people, or holding children hostage and raising them in civilized Rome so they become loyal to the Emperor. Sometimes “savage” is sleeping with someone’s wife or slitting someone’s throat and sometimes it’s being sassy in my advice column.

Now for your second question: I find it funny that you mention something of inferiority being a German, as everything that Germans have to take pride in has been contributed to them by the Romans. Example A) Arminius was a Roman in everything but birth, he used knowledge of Roman tactics and Roman auxiliaries in his victory. The very name he is famous for is not German but is in fact Latin. Example B) The First Reich, more commonly known as... That’s right the Holy Roman Empire. Now you’ll notice that the well-known and accepted name is neither Pagan, nor German nor Realm. Finally, Example C) Remember all those long lasting centuries of the German Empire after they stopped being Roman in the 19th and 20th centuries? Me neither.

All Salute The Eternal City,

Qunitilius of Rome

#WhyConquerWhatWasAlwaysOurs?