Dear Glow Cloud,

The end is in sight! It’s the last week of actual classes! That being said, where do you think the best place is on campus to study?

Seeking Solace

Dear Seeking,

The best place on campus to study is likely going to be in the down under. Not only is it my own humble abode, but the denizens of the dark are respectful of the quiet that students crave during finals. Not only are there convenient outlets for those who require technology for their cramming or projects, but the washrooms are in the immediate area – which is not necessarily true of the library. You’ve also got long tables to spread your materials out on, to fully visualize how much trouble you’re in come exam day.

The bonus for me to all of these students coming to study in my territory is that I get more of a chance to assimilate you into my fold. Your minds, on the verge of breaking, will be so very willing to accept my omniscience in exchange for your free will. Good luck with your exams.

All hail,

Almighty Glow Cloud

Republished from The Quill print edition, Volume 107, Issue 28, April 4th, 2017.