Dear Glow Cloud,

Are leprechauns real? I keep trying to find the end of a rainbow to meet a leprechaun and find the gold, but it’s not working.

Sincerely,

Trying to Get Rich Quick

Dear Gold Digger,

Leprechauns are absolutely real, and a nasty bunch of pests at that. Not sure why you’d want to meet one. I usually ignore them or banish them as far away as I can.

As far as finding the gold goes, you’ll never succeed. Many people better than you have tried, and none have found it yet. This is because the damned leprechauns put an illusion over the location and hide it. You need leprechaun magic to break the illusion and trust me when I say that no leprechaun will do your bidding and break the illusion for you.

If you’ve got that much time to be chasing after the ends of rainbows and looking for abhorrent little creatures, maybe you should try panning for gold instead. You might actually get something done that way.

All Hail,

Almighty Glow Cloud

Republished from The Quill print edition, Volume 107, Issue 25, March 14th, 2017.