Dear Quintilius,

I recently came into a large sum of money, after the passing of a distantly related uncle. What should I do with this inheritance?

Sincerely, Stupid Rich

Dear Money Fool,

Money does not make you important. Money is not synonymous with wealth. One can have all the money of the coffers of Rome, but it means nothing if you are unable to advance its value. My advice would be to invest in a personal Legionnaire army.

Think about it: without a Legion to be able to conquer your enemies, what is the point of having wealth? Real wealth comes from being able to conquer your enemies and crush their skulls under your sandals.

Money in the form of inheritance will maybe last you half-a-lifetime if spent wisely. Money in the form of taxes from lands you conquer will last you three lifetimes. Think long-term, about your children’s children.

Purchasing fancy things like jacked up trucks or fast cars won’t bring you joy. Buying real-estate won’t matter once the government decides you’re not capable or deserving of such property. And what happens when the police search your premises and find that body in your backyard? Well, they’re going to take everything you own and freeze your bank accounts.

Buying your own Legionnaire army though, now that allows you to do ANYTHING. Someone says something you don’t like? Take them as your prisoner. Someone lives in a house you want? Take it by force. Someone pays taxes to the government? Take control of them and now they pay taxes to you.

Don’t be naïve, purchase an Army and grow real wealth.

All Salute The Eternal City,

Quinitilius of Rome