Unfinished savegames from a bygone era. (Evan-Amos/Wikimedia Commons under CC BY-SA 3.0)

It is no secret that I am incapable of finishing a video game. I am super good at starting them, sometimes even multiple times. When asked about my stellar reputation, Nerdboy says, with a deep sigh, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you complete a game – other than Pokemon – in the last four years we’ve been together.”

“That’s not true!” I protest, weakly. “I finished Child of Light!”

“I dunno, dude. You have like, twelve games started. And that’s just on PS4.” My roommate adds from the other end of the room.

So there is the ugly truth: I cannot do the thing. Although, I played Life is Strange obsessively last year, and I did finish it. I think that it’s the only game I’ve actually played all the way through in the last decade other than Pokemon. I’ve got all kinds of reasons for not actually finishing anything – school gets in the way, or I’ll buy another that I’m excited about, or I’ll overwrite one of Nerdboy’s files and can’t live it down for the next three years. You know, normal stuff.

In all honesty, I just hate not being good at things. If I can’t make it work for me right away, I’m just done. I rage quit. It’s not an attractive quality. So instead of playing the game myself, I look up Let’s Plays (LPs) on YouTube. To date, I’ve started the game The Last of Us three times and watched twice as many LPs of it. I can recommend Markiplier and Stephen Georg in particular.

The moral of the story here is that I’m a terrible gamer if I can’t earn badges and catch adorable friends. Will I stop buying new games? No. Will I finish any of the ones I currently own? Also probably not.